kinky_elephant

does anyone read my journals anymore??????? well I haven't updated in awhile so I figured I'd do it now.

I just went on a badass camp out right off an Island off Turtle Beach it was beautiful. I was camping with Russell,Corey,Donald,Nick,Mike,Monte,Pie,Shauna,Cody,Shawn,Brandon. Other kids came out throughout the camp out too. We all got completely wasted and just had fun. All those crazy pirates shot off guns the whole time. We had a encounter with a Pelican to it was pretty nuts.

I'm hopefully getting a job out here in Myakka State Park at the concession stand.
Russell and I are doing alot better I guess patience and strong communication is the key to a beautiful relationship.

Well thats the update

So Friday night was very interesting. Meagan,Zack,and Dustin came over to my house to trip on some Chocolate Mushrooms
it was fuckin amazing. Dustin and me walked down the trail behind the house and it was insane I was trippin ballz.
Then we came back to the house and I showed Meagan this chick that I really like her name is razakel.
Meagan showed me a experiance of a trip she danced to her and it was so amazing

things have been pretty awesome......
I just recently got my devil tattoo. Work is going good I suppose i mean its work.
My thanksgiving was really awesome Russells mom is a great cook =).
I hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. Brianna's birthday is today I gave her a stone cold cake
I think she loved it to much or as much as I loved the thing it was all Chocolate OMG
I wrote a poem:

Grasping onto my fantasies like they were trying to Fly
I feel that my life has been a bit dry
My love is still there but the passion seems to be drifting
I need a boost and someone to try and lift me
Needing the love is not a sin its not getting it thats a pain
can we remake our magic in the rain?
kissing licking biting all of those things seem to be untrue

I really like how my day went today =)
I got the day off from work so Russ and I ate at SONIC <----LOVE that place
then we went Lefis Key in Bradenton and smoked a joint it was pretty nice.
I love the beach it relaxes me.

work is going good. I never seem to find time to spend with alot of my friends though.
I miss people

the weather has been a bit chilly but nice I like it. I still work at Tropical Smoothie with my girl Lisa.
Things are getting harder and more tiring. I hate workin 12 hour days it really sucks ass. I feel as if I should move into tropical smoothie Im there way to much.
I dont get to see any of my friends anymore unless they visit me.
Russell has been really supportive though when I go back to his house after a long day of work he always kissess me good night and tells me to sleep well. and I do but Im not a morning person what so ever I hate getting up anytime before noon.
I promised myself I would really start going to school next week so I can get my life straight

SO I've been working at Tropical Smoothie for almost a week. (tommarow will be my full week)
So far I LOVE it. I get to work with my girl Lisa and shes great to work with. She does everything she needs to do and we laugh and talk while we work its great. I havent had much time to see anybody really but I have this weekend off.
Russell let me take his car to work today it was great I felt like I had POWER man. I want my licsense and my own car
a black INFINITI G35

So I have a job interview tommarow at Tropical Smoothie with Lisa <3...

Im happy about that. I'll save up $1000 dollars and move somewhere.

I think I want to move to St Pete

its Cheaper. That hasnt been decided yet though. I need to think on it
and make $1000 dollars 1st

girls that lie about there age should be shot.....

all they do is cause problems. I hope that Abby ho has a horrible teen life

<3 well I know who my true love is <3

I know where I'm gonna go

I know what needs to be done

so dam what a week this has been. Got into a HUGE ass fight with Russell at Donald's on Tuesday. Thats when alot of drama also started with Brian and Donald. IM NOT INVOLVED!! Brian and Donald are both my friends and I will NOT take sides. Wednesday I hung out with Lara and it was awesome she put a smile on my face. later on Brian Lara me and this cool kid Nick all went up to St Petersburg and played music with these cool ass people. AMANDA IS THE SHIT. I had the best time. Then after I got dropped off Russell and I were still fighting I was hoping he would have dropped it from the night before but I was wrong. We ended up breaking up for a day. I was soooooooooooooooooo upset and heartbroken. I love my Russell so much and I can picture my life without him or with anyone else. We talked things out and were back together. I don't live at his house anymore I live back at my parents house. Im looking at things much more different now. I went to a job interview also this morning it went well I took this test I passed but didn't get enough questions done so hopefully in 30 days when I go back everything will be cool..........

Thank you to all my friends that have been there for me I love each and everyone of you.

so I guess things are starting to get easier and make sense. I am becoming alot more stronger than the person I once was. i see things differently. I see in things in a good way like some would have wanted us too. No more will I be in pain I will live life the way I need to <3

Things have changed now. Im in this position where Im lost and need gudience well anyways I wrote another poem for jimmy

Waking up or not even going to sleep
You touched me way to deep,I want to hear your laugh
your great humor your ways of dealing with everything I WANT TO HEAR IT
I want to see you walk down the road smoking a ciggeratte
I want you and me to have a all night talk once again
Waking up to you blazin
was a smile for me and many others
I cant believe that your gone
I remember you from your 1st love to your last
Everyone has a spot for you in there hearts
Once again I cant cry. Sorry for the time that I didnt talk to you
Sorry for the times that we didnt chill
I wish we wouldve chilled in that week that you called
I regret saying I was tired. I want to have another one of your warm hugs
I want things just to be back to normal
but you are happy and I know that now.

You were a good soul and you had a heart. Your mind was amazing and I'll definatly miss you

:( :( <3 <3



a tear is coming down my cheek at this very moment for you

This is Russell's horse big red. He died today. Let me tell you its not the prettiest picture seeing a dead horse
He was such a sweet horse

makin' my way downtown
walking fast
faces pass and I'm homebound

staring blankly ahead
just makin' my way
I'm makin' a way
through the crowd

and I need you
and I miss you
and now I wonder

if I could fall into the sky
do you think time would pass me by
cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles
if I could see you ... tonight

it's always times like these
when I think of you
and I wonder if you ever think of me

cause everything's so wrong
and I don't belong
livin' in your precious memory

cause I need you
and I miss you
and now I wonder

chorus

and I, I don't want to let you know
I, I drown in your memory
I, I don't want to let this go
I, I don't ...

makin' my way downtown
walking fast
faces pass and I'm homebound

staring blankly ahead
just makin' my way
I'm makin' my way
through the crowd

and I still need you
and I still miss you
and now I wonder

a thousand miles
by Vanessa Carlton

things are werid but yet understandable. I know the things I need to do I just need a push

OMG I can't even explain the crazy ass adventures I've been having. I went to venus on a school bus with Donald,Richard,Jackie,and Russell. It was so awesome I had the best time ever!!! My friends are awesome each one is speacial in there own way and funny in there own way to.

so now I have no job. I got fired because im not EXPERIANCED isnt that bullshit it makes me want to grow a beard and repeat that skittles commerical you know the one were he touches the girl and says Experiance. FUCK THAT Russell and I are at rough times right now because of it and well things arent getting any easier I want to move to Kentucky with my Uncle at least over there i wont be stressed and I would be away from all the stupid people and drama in this fuckin town

Going on these crazy ass adventures. What more could I ask for but a silly Jim. Laughing my head off. And being with the people that I love more than anything. Jackie you are my girlie poo :). I wonder what the school bus driver thinks of all of us. I mean we have to look funny. The things we do are funny. I love the smiles that I have <3. I loved playing pool with you Robyn it was so much fun.

I dont want to loose my friend. I've been stupid with my decisions. I dont want to be the bad person
I just want EVERYTHING to go back to the way it was before I fucked up on.